Together we can make it while the world is crashin
by pogostix
Summary: Picks up where Ems ep left off where shes going upstair to see Naomi.. This episode kinda broke my heart in a lot of ways. Thiis is what came of it.


It was funny how Naomi thought a few simple words could fix this. 'I will do anything.' They were words, just words, and words mean nothing.

As she looked up at the window tears filled her eyes and emptiness filled her heart. Everyone deserves a second chance, people act irrationally when their scared. We can not be judged firmly on one action alone, but this was no single act. Naomi could never change, not even if she wanted to. She could never let those walls come down, never let anyone in; there would always be something in the way. She was scared, but not even she knew what of. Emily was tired, so sick and tired of these games. She was sick of being the pawn, sick of losing. Her heart was fragile, she knew this and yet she gave it away so willingly. She never had a choice though really. Naomi kind of just took it. Didn't even ask. So as she stood, staring into Naomi's eyes through the window she realised that there were two possible options. Firstly, to mend them. Secondly, to let them fall apart. The heart and the mind never work together, they contradict and often the heart wins out. This was no different.

Emily moved towards the door pushing it open, taking and breath and closing her eyes. The heart always wins out. It takes control and you don't stand a fucking chance. She moved up the staircase slowly, trying to think of the words but none came to her. Not that it mattered; words wouldn't fix this. So instead they sat there in silence. You don't appreciate silence until you've sat in it. Emily started to notice things about Naomi that she never had before. Her eyes were a much deeper blue than usual. Naomi wasn't comfortable in this silence, but she didn't dare break it.

'Why?' Emily eventually asked. 'Just… why?'

'I was scared Ems, i..'

'Don't fucking give me that shit Naomi, I deserve better than that.'

'I don't know why… Because I always mess everything up, always.'

'And I knew this, I knew this and yet I set myself up for the greatest fall of all time.'

'I'm sorry.' Naomi pleaded, like it even mattered. 'I'm so, so sorry.'

'Keep it. I don't want your apologies. I don't need them.'

Emily was trying her best to keep herself together. She didn't want Naomi to know quite how much she was hurting but where do you go when the only person in the world that can stop you from crying is exactly the one making you?

'It will be alright Emily, we can fix this, we are better than this, please don't give up on me. I need you…. I need you.' And she threw her arms around Emily's waist and she held her, she held her so tight like she'd never let go. 'We can fix this.'

She didn't hold her back.

'Its easy for you to say isn't it, you did this. Were you ever going to tell me or was it always going to come out like this?'

'I wanted to tell you.'

'But you didn't, you fucking didn't. You lied for all this time and I can never forgive you for that.'

'Look at me, just look at me.' She sat up and pushed her hair out her face.

It was hard, so, so hard looking at her. It hurt. Everything hurt and nothing felt the same. There was a massive hole of emptiness just sat in her stomach refusing to move. It felt so wrong being next to her. She knew a heart could never properly stay broken, not forever at least but for now, it hurt like it never had before. It was a cliché tale of a broken heart. There was no happily ever after. But Emily never expected that.

'Everything is nothing without you. I need you.'

Emily wanted so hard to forgive her, to hold her and kiss her and pretend that this had never happened. That Naomi wasn't capable of this, that she wasn't capable of doing it again. But Naomi held all the cards, she always had. Emily had never been in control, never. She'd let herself fall and that was dangerous but she put faith and trust in Naomi and in a single act on a single day it was broken, she had broke her and it would take so much to climb back, more than Emily had. She was deflated, disappointed and couldn't see a way back. Naomi knew. You could see it in her eyes. She knew she needed to fight for them but she had no idea how. She just sat and looked at Emily so small, so shaken, so broken, so completely alone and she felt the worst kind of pain that she had ever felt. A pain you can not describe in a single word. A pain you can't really explain at all. To know that she had shattered the heart of a girl that she loved and that she cared so much for was something even she could not understand. She had no one to blame but herself and that sat on her chest making it hard to breathe. She had to fight for them. That she was positive of. Time and space could not fix this. Apologies and gifts couldn't either. We use such small words for feelings so vast, so strong and so intense. 'I love you' was not enough in this situation. Naomi didn't want anything more than to hold Emily in her arms and tell her that everything would be okay. One day she would stop telling herself that everything was going to be okay. Because its not. Sometimes things aren't okay.

'Anyway, I only came to give you these back' Emily said standing up and placing the goggles Naomi had given her only a few days earlier on the end of her bed.

'Please don't do this Em's please'

'I didn't do this Naomi, this was all you're doing' and she turned her back to Naomi and held the door handle ready to leave 'I love you. Probably always will. But I can't forgive you for this'

'Emily please' Naomi begged getting up off her bed, walking over to Emily turning her around and pushing the door shut pinning her to it. She moved her head in so she was so close she could feel Emily breath on her chin. 'Please' she asked once more before kissing her softly. Emily kissed her back, slightly more aggressively pushing her backwards till her knees hit the bed and she fell backwards, her hands moved up Naomi's shirt. It all felt so familiar.

'I love you' Naomi whispered as she pulled Emily's shirt off.

'Shut up. Just shut up.' She snapped back.

They fucked. And then she cried. Because Naomi no longer felt pure, she no longer felt innocent, she no longer felt like hers. There was nothing loving about it. It was just fucking. It was so different. So very fucking different to how they were at the lake, how they were on those afternoons after college or the entire weekends they spent just wanting each others company. This wasn't them. And they were through.

Anything was not enough.


End file.
